What do you do when you feel gagged? I feel gagged...

Have you ever been in a situation where you strongly want to express how you feel or you desperately want to voice out all you have been bottling up but something seems to hold you back each time you try? Sometimes you are on the brink of uttering those words building inside of you but you are forced to clench your teeth to prevent the words from coming out. Your heartbeat races faster and your chest rises higher because you are using up energy trying to lock in those words fighting to be free. The feeling can be likened to nights when you sleep and have a nightmare that you are being attacked by evil forces. When you try to call out the name of Jesus, it seems like your voice is gone. As you summon all the energy in you, you feel like you cannot breathe, your throat is super dry and your neck is being squeezed by invisible hands. Remember those nightmares and horrific nights? 

Okay, back to reality. It can really be frustrating especially if you are the expressive type like me. You are so sick and tired of trying to play nice and diplomatic that you just want to speak your mind not giving a damn about the consequences; but you remember that the consequences are likely to come back and bite you till you groan in pain. It could be that people might get hurt which may hurt you in return or you may become victimized with vindication still faraway. Situations like this places you in a vulnerable position and you mustn't throw caution to the wind when handling them.

For instance,
You have an issue with a your boyfriend that you dread to discuss because it might end up virtually wrecking your relationship. He is not stepping up in an area you want him to, an area that means so much to you. Maybe he is below your standard (in terms of taste or education) and you have tried to cope with it to see if there could be positive changes. However, after a long time of trying to help, he still doesn't meet up and it is getting to you. It has gotten to your neck and you feel like throwing up all you have held inside all this time but you know it would hurt him. He is so ignorant about this and thinks you are satisfied with the way he is. He is so nice and he loves you so much; telling him will completely tear him apart and seeing him hurt is the last thing you want, so you feel gagged...

You have a nasty boss who has been misbehaving and bullying you. He has been stepping on your toes and takes your shine when you do anything commendable claiming that you are under him and he teaches you everything you know. You need to address the issue and express how you feel. He holds a very high position-somewhat untouchable in your organisation and could victimize you since he doesn't give a damn about you. Reporting him may not do you any good because those who would eventually look into your situation are his pals-"dogs don't eat dogs", so you feel gagged...

You have a colleague who for reasons unknown to you finds it fun rubbing it in your face that she is your superior. She sends you on silly errands and sometimes embarrasses you. She is most times in your business and make you uncomfortable. You want to man up and tell her to watch it but she could accuse you of insubordination which your organisation highly frowns at. You want to report to her but you remember that in situations like yours, the superior officer wins, so you feel gagged...

At the home front too much is being demanded from you. It seems like you are giving and not receiving. You feel worn out and drained. You want to run away. It seems like your parents do not understand that you need time for yourself to do personal stuff; they just have a way of keeping you busy with house cares. Your dad is the type who feels he is always right and he always counters whatever you say with his own ideologies. You get home from work and the homework is waiting for you. Imagine getting home to cook beans after a long day at work. You want to ask them for space to think and get yourself together, but you tried it once and they called you lazy and self-centered. They feel are training you for the future when you become independent. Now you cannot take it anymore because it is sapping your strength which is frustrating you. You feel like opening your mouth and allowing the words of frustration flow out, but you remember the horrible response you got the last time you did that, so you feel gagged...

What do you do when you feel gagged?  I feel gagged...

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Communicating with God-a different perspective

She wakes up at 5.30am and does what is expected of every practising Christian.

However, she assumes that God is still asleep, so she feels obligated to wake him up with her sonorous voice.  She sings all the worship songs she knows (do not forget that she is a chorister).

 

After about twenty minutes of futile endurance, her roommate shifts noisily on the bed as a way of informing her that she is still trying to sleep. She notices but says within herself, “well you are not supposed to be sleeping by this time. I cannot please you and displease my God”. After exhausting all the songs she knows, she decides to have a quality chat with God. She fills the entire room with her words even though she knows that God is not hard of hearing. As for her poor roommate, she has no other alternative but to give up the quest of achieving a sound sleep, since the ‘alarm’ (which she did not set) cannot be turned off.

Majority of us will definitely pity 'the poor roommate' criticising the prayer warrior for being self-centered and inconsiderate. Before we become like the hypocrites who wanted to stone the adulterous woman, let me remind us that we cannot be completely exonerated from this infuriating act. Let me rephrase the above narrative.

(The guilty ones know themselves) When you wake up in the morning you sing worship songs, hymns, or praises and pray aloud even if it is still very early in the day and everyone else is asleep. *I experienced that in the university and experiencing it now, courtesy my sweet neighbor* 

For those who have gospel DVD’s, cassettes, or other electronic devices with gospel songs, you blast it, not minding whether or not you are invading the serenity of those around you. *I experienced that during NYSC* 

Even churches cannot be acquitted of this selfish act. A church in residential area holding its midweek vigil or early morning service would put the volume of its speakers (speakers inside the church premises but facing the outside world) to the maximum interfering with the quietness of the neighborhood. Surprisingly, you will not find more than fifteen members of the congregation present, sometimes just their nuclear family members. *I am experiencing that now* 

To you, you are communicating effectively with God, but to the other person (the victim), you are only producing unwanted sounds.

Communicating with God is absolutely necessary and mandatory but it should not constitute a source of disturbance to others. God knows the yearnings of your heart, so you do not need too many words to explain yourself to him; he confirmed this in Mt 6:8 “Do not be like them. Your Father already knows what you need before you ask him.” Although he also said that we should ask and we shall receive, that does not imply you speak on the top of your voice. You could either pray silently or go to a place where your voice would not bother anyone if you must pray aloud. This, he also confirmed in Mt 6:6 “But when you pray, go to your room, close the door, and pray to your Father, who is unseen. And your Father, who sees what you do in private, will reward you.”

Everybody loves and wants uninvaded tranquility. No one looks forward to being disturbed in anyway, especially when one is trying to get a decent sleep after a hectic day or while having a swell time in dreamland. Some people highly cherish that early morning sleep and you just destroy it for them. Why don’t you live in accordance with the aforementioned biblical quote or the golden rule “Do unto others as you want others to do unto you”. 

On a lighter note: Imagine you have been praying to God to reveal your future partner  to you and on this wonderful night you dream about this person. Just as you were about to see the face of this partner you have been searching for, you hear a voice from a loud speaker singing/shouting "We have come again 2x, father we have..."    Or 

You wake up to use the rest room in the middle of the night, only to find it hard to sleep again. The room is hot as there is no power supply and you heard one mosquito buzzing close to your ears. You are struggling to sleep and finally you drift away. Suddenly your heart skips a beat as you are brought back to reality by the aggressive sound of a pastor shouting "All enemies of progress, trying to delay my success, in the name of Jesus die! die! die!"         

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