Happy new year! 2014 is here! Whoop Whoop!

So much to expect in 2014; I am highly excited and equally nervous! I have written my resolutions for the new year and the list is long (and scary yikes!!!). However darlings, I am very  sorry I cannot share them with you now but I will do that later by God’s grace.

I am actually not supposed to be writing this because I have got a whole lot on my plate right now. (and who is that thinking about food? C’mon, it’s figurative! Got loads of work that require my attention which has caused my being in a pensive mood lately...reason for this picture.)

Anyway, I won't bug you with too much to read (An euphemism for 'I don’t even have the time to write'-sly smile). With a heart full of praise for the wonderful things God has done and is yet to do I wish my dear friends, readers and admirers a Happy New Year filled with pleasant surprises. Did I hear someone shout AMEN?

Why I hate Christmas?

To clear the air, I am not an anti-Christ or an atheist. I am a Christian who adores the Lord with all her heart. But there is just one thing about Christmas that gets me mad and highly irritated. Chickens!! Live chickens!!! I hate the sounds they make, I hate their feathers, their looks, everything. I always stay off their paths. I still don't understand why people would rear chickens in their compounds, leaving them free to run around. The worse is when they want to mate, jeez...I literally run away when I see the cocks chasing the hens because they run like they have gone crazy. I hate them so much that I cannot stare at the picture of a live chicken....goose pimples at the thought of it. 

During the Xmas period, sales of chickens are on the rise especially few days to Christmas. Live chicken lovers proudly carry their chickens from the market to their homes. Some use their private cars which is cool, but others use public commercial vehicles making people like me uncomfortable which is totally unfair. I remember December last year when I entered a bus and discovered that the man sitting beside bought a live chicken which was in a polythene bag with its head sticking out. I can't remember how many times I told the man the chicken must not touch me or fly out of the nylon. I kept moving away as if I was going to enter into the door of the bus (I sat close to the door). I am sure the man would have been thinking, "What is wrong with this one?" I was just grumbling within myself, "Why can't people just buy frozen chicken or get the chicken killed in the market?" Or is there anything special about killing your own chicken? Seeing Xmas chickens all around makes me remember unpleasant chicken experiences.

A horrid chicken incident happened some Christmas Eves ago when my dad bought fresh chicken (live chicken which was killed in the market). As I was washing the chicken and nodding my head to the music playing on my i-pod, I took a part that felt weird so I bent my head to look at it and to my utter shock, it was the head! I yelled like I just saw a ghost, flung the head, it hit the ceiling and fell on the kitchen floor, while I was still screaming as if the ghost was walking towards me. My parents ran downstairs to find out what was happening only for me to point at the chicken head on the floor. They both laughed at me and were relieved that it was nothing serious. As my dad picked up the head, I shouted, "Hope there is no other one?" He laughed as he took the second chicken head which I thank God I didn't discover myself, and threw them away. 

Another horrid chicken experience occurred when I was still in the primary school. My siblings, neighbors and I saw feathers floating in the air. They looked so beautiful that we were chasing after them and playing with them. We used them to tickle our faces, ears, necks, etc. We were running happily with our new toys. Then one of us said, "let's find out where these feathers are coming from" So we did our inspector gadget and found a dead chicken crushed by a car in front of our gate with its feathers flying off from it. Ewww!!! I ran to the bathroom and had the shower of my life. I think this wins the most horrible chicken experience ever.

Just by the way, there are two TV adverts usually aired on popular TV channels about seasoning cubes tasting like chicken. One seasoning cube is more popular than the other and I use it. In their advert, they portrayed the fact that their seasoning cube tasted like chicken without actually showing any live chicken. Grandma was looking for the chicken in the kitchen and asked the wife, "Where is the chicken?" But the second less popular seasoning cube which has a masculine name by the way just had to show a child and his mother at the beginning of their commercial pursuing live chickens. I really hate that advert. 

Anyway, this one isn't my own personal experience per se. It was about 2 years back when my dad bought two live chickens for Xmas. He went out to do some shopping and came back with goodies in his car. I was in the house watching TV while my brothers offloaded the car. After about 30mins, my dad asked us if we had fed the chickens and I replied, "Which chickens?" He just yelled at my brothers for leaving the chickens in the boot and instructed them to bring out the chickens out and feed them. Not exaggerating here, my brothers spent about 20mins arguing on who was going to carry the chickens. Later on they did it, courtesy my dad's extra yelling, but they were screaming out of fear and at each other the whole time. 

But good for them, they have outgrown that fear unlike me. Mine's even worse because I have extended my phobia to birds. I'll ask again like I asked myself when I sat beside the man with a live chicken in a polythene bag, "Why can't people kill their chickens in the market?" Or is there anything special about killing your own chicken?

My Ilorin trip

I travelled to Ilorin on Thursday with a colleague to represent members of staff at a funeral. One of our colleagues lost her dad #sad. The ride to Ilorin was a bumpy one. Those who patched the road did a shabby job. We left the bus park in Lagos at 12.35pm instead of 10am due to bad management which I really don't want to talk about. Let me just give you a hint by saying some oga at the top told us not to see it as a vacation and made us work till 12pm not considering the distance and the fact that it was our first time going there. I was mad and very upset because I didn't want us to get there late (security issues on my mind). 

There was light traffic jam in Lagos but the road was free after we got to Oyo state. I slept for a while amidst the rough road and cooled myself with a litre carton of Hollandia full cream milk which got warm as the time elapsed. The sun was doing an amazing job of heating up the earth and I think I am a little darker. I started writing this piece to take my mind off a particular long and scary narrow dual carriageway where we had trailers in front of us, behind us and moving fast past us on the other side. We saw a sad accident of a trailer carrying framed glasses. The glasses fell off the vehicle and most shattered. We also witnessed a near miss. A trailer directed in front of us overtook the car in its front and almost hit an oncoming bus on the other lane filled with passengers. We could hear the screams of the people in the bus. Thank God it didn't happen. Also a private car behind us wanted to sharply overtake us but he almost got crushed by an oncoming trailer which made him do a quick swerve off the road into a shallow ditch. Some passengers in our bus screamed for him. He was able to drive out of the ditch after several attempts. Hmmm...how accidents occur. 

The rest of the journey was okay, glory be to God. We got to the final bus stop at 5.47pm where we took a taxi to our colleague's house, another 45minutes drive. We missed the wake-keep and service of song which started at 4pm. We were welcomed warmly by the family members and offered choices of rice or amala. We chose amala with sumptuous ewedu soup and assorted meat. After eating and expressing our condolences, we were taken to the hotel where we lodged. It was two people to a room, I was with one of their aunts who also travelled from Lagos. It was kinda awkward for me undressing in the presence of a stranger but she didn't seem to be bothered by my presence. I tried to sleep as soundly as I could despite the African Magic Yoruba channel that was on all night. 

The next morning we dressed and packed our things to go for the funeral service. It commenced at 10am and we were there on time. I slept throughout the sermon because it was in Yoruba, my brain tried to interpret but shut down in the process. In other words, sleeping wasn't my idea. Blame it on my brain. After the service which lasted for an hour and thirty minutes, we headed to the park. We were off to Lagos at 12pm and as soon as the bus started moving, I decided (not my brain this time) to have a good nap. A wonderful one indeed! An hour and a half in sleep world enjoying the cool breeze as it blew through my hair and my face. After I woke up, I kept myself company with a book I bought recently The family you've always wanted by Gary Chapman author of The five love languages. I started reading it the previous day and just continued from where I stopped. Traffic here and there, bumps on the road and a blazing hot sun. 

We got to Lagos at 5pm but I got home at 6.45pm courtesy the usual Lagos traffic. Welcomed by the bestest family, I did a short private prayer of thanksgiving, unpacked, had my bath, and devoured a delicious Nigerian delicacy of yam with palm oil and pepper soup. After eating, I watched TV a little, then went to bed listening to R&B till I slept off.

BUT!!! I MUST CONFESS, travelling in a bus with no air condition, under the blazing hot sun, on a bumpy and dusty road is no fun. Aside from the discomforts, it was bon voyage all the way!!!! No vehicle breakdown, no robbery, no headaches, no stomach aches, no purging, no missing or forgotten item! So shouting a loud WOOHOO!! Thank you God!

Same experience, no romance...

I felt bored and restless one evening and decided to engage myself by watching TV-my favourite hobby. After browsing through different channels on DSTV, I found something interesting that caught my fancy. A white guy with gentle eyes and soft features smiling sweetly at a white lady who had a serious look yet with sex appeal; they were sitting close to each other on a couch in the living room. Both had black hair and were casually dressed like they had been at home all day. 

The lady was licking candies (similar to M&M) that came in variety of colours as they chatted like a couple in love. She was taking it one after the other but suddenly make a face when she dropped a particular one in her mouth. She spat it out and noticed it was the blue one. She told her boyfriend that it tasted weird and she didn't like it. He argued with her that all the candies tasted the same though they had different colours. He said the different colours were just to make the candies look attractive. She refuted that each colour had a different chemical make-up, thus a different taste. He disagreed with her stating that she had read way too many books and was over-analysing mere candies.

Looking like a lady who wasn't going to back down, she told him to feed her with the candies while she closed her eyes. So he put one into her mouth which she gladly chewed, then he put another which she also chewed but when he put the blue one, she grimaced. He chuckled and fed her with another colour which she chewed. Then he put the blue one again and she spat it out and said in a non-yelling tone "enough, I can't go through with this!" They both laughed and the amazed boyfriend complimented his girlfriend. He said something like, "You are a genius but weird sometimes".

I assume he kissed her afterwards, because it seemed like that was what would happened next. I cannot remember what came up to make me leave the TV set.

Anyway, I experienced the same thing another evening; although in my case, I was all alone-sad face. I was on my way home from work in a friend's car; listening to the radio while enjoying a small box of candies of different colours. I grimaced when I licked one that tasted like pooh. I brought it out of my mouth and it was purple. Not like I have tasted pooh before, but you know there is a connection between your taste and your smell. It is too complicated for me to explain (don't feel like going into the science student mode) but that is the only logical explanation why that purple candy tasted like pooh. 

Since it was dark, I couldn't see what colour of candy I was taking before putting it into my mouth (didn't want to bother myself checking each one with my phone light) but each time I tasted the purple one, I grimaced and checked it to re-confirm. It made wish my case was like that short romantic clip I watched. 

Comments via Twitter
@rhodisco I love d romance story.....so interesting. Can u pls send more?
@DamisamsunI Just check out ur blog, wonderful!

1 woman--1 issue--3 guys--3 advices=1 perfect solution

source wild child

Something unusual happened to me yesterday. I got so fed up with been around people with mediocre attitude and myopic thinking that it affected everything about me: my appetite (no food appealed to me), my mood (I was irritable), my countenance (I didn't smile that day at work except sarcastic smiles count). That day, it was strictly MYB-Mind Your Business. No office chinwag, no trying to be nice to the boss, no going the extra mile to help; I just wasn't in the mood for any of those. 

Imagine putting so much priority on the clock in register. Someone comes in at 7.30am but writes 7.29am and some people take it as their duty to check their wrist watches to see if it's truly 7.29am, then spend some precious minutes arguing loudly that it is actually 7.31am. No one checks the register for pity's sake neither is it used as a criterion for appraisal. A pregnant staff wears a big gown to the office as opposed to the usual tight-fitting corporate wear and the gown becomes a topic of discussion. They call them (the gown and the preggy) all sorts of funny names and tell whoever cares to listen how the gown reminds them of something or someone funny. She is pregnant for crying out loud and her tummy is protruding, do you expect her to wear a tight-fitting jacket to work? Then when did eating breakfast and lunch become eating too much? Was there any memo? Someone please send me an email! You go for your breakfast at 8am, tongues wag that it is too early. You go for your lunch at 3pm, a debate is started to judge if you like food or not. Then a conclusion is reached that you like food.  Eating three times a day is freaking normal people! Ask your doctor! If you cannot afford it, don't blame those who can!

Thinking of all these and more just got me irritated yesterday. I didn't smile like I used to, I ignored all those who brought up time-wasting mediocre discussions (my new strategy now), and I didn't pick my calls on my mobile (I didn't feel like talking). In the evening after I got home, I decided to pick my calls. I received three calls from three different guys who are close to me. When they asked me how I was and how my day went, I told them exactly how I felt as stated above and added a little melodrama, then asked for their advice. 

First guy-He went all spiritual. He advised I take my frustrations to God and let Him take control. He also advised me never to cease praying and to always have faith in God. He said I should just ask God for His will to be done in my life and wait on Him for a change. He said God has a reason for everything and things would surely get better with time. He ended by telling me to cheer up and stop worrying. 

Second guy-He was really factual. He first said he would not advise me to resign just like that but I should plan towards it. Then he asked if I had thought of going into business and advised I start thinking of business ideas. He asked me what I was interested in, my skills and natural gifts and explored various business ideas with me and their likely challenges. He told me I could be whatever I wanted to be as long as I put my mind in it.

The 1st guy didn't think of the reality on ground, he based his advice solely on the spiritual. Though it first comes to past in the spirit before it manifests physically, but faith without good works is dead. You can't pray for success in your ICAN exams and sleep all day, else failure with all that comes with it awaits such a person. The 2nd guy never mentioned prayer, faith or God unlike the 1st guy. To him, as long as you work hard and you are determined to make it, you will. I will not dispute that fact but I still prefer to put God in the picture.  
Just like one of #FrediliaMomoduQuotes Do not wait until you are worn out from trying before you ask God for help, turn to Him from the start and every time.
 

Third guy- He was just hilarious. He made me laugh amidst my worries. When he called and I told him how I felt, he first told me it was just a matter of time. But when I insisted that he wasn't helping and I needed concrete advise, he told me to hang myself and just end it all in his usual sense of humour. I just laughed and realised I was actually over working myself. He made me realise that I had it all at my finger tips and just needed to calm down. 

After his call, I thought of the three different advices I got from my three different male friends and realised that the best of all three advices was the combination of them. Take my burdens to God in prayer and ask for wisdom(1st guy); plan, work hard and be focused(2nd guy); enjoy my journey to success no matter how bumpy(3rd guy). Funny enough, the advices came in the right sequence: God first, hard work, and just take it easy as you strive in faith. This just accentuates the awesome nature of God and how He uniquely made each one of us. As for moi, I am far better than yesterday- I feel awemazing!!!

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Bros, what do you really want? Part 3

Bros, what do you really want? Part 2 and the story continues...

Immediately, Stacey pinged bros' younger brother who is her good friend and asked him for Mr recruiter's phone number. His brother gave it to her immediately but then did a double take and asked her why she wanted it. Stacey didn't waste any time in updating him. Their chat went like this:
(Let's call his brother B) 

Stacey-Pls can u give me your brother's no?
B-080++++ Hope all is well?

Stacey-Nope, I wana tongue-lash him!
B-Why?
Stacey-Really mad at him, he doesn't respect my space!
B-What happened? Aahh! How! Pls don't! Oh o o o, why! Why did I give u his number without asking? Abeg na, just do this for me. Pls, don't do it!
Stacey-After mass he is always trying to tell me about his organisation and persuading me to join which is not bad. But I have noticed that even though he knows I'm with someone he doesn't respect that fact and leave me alone. Today he really got me pissed. You know my bf travelled and came back for 3wks.  You know we normally see after mass. Today my bf was waiting for me as usual and as I was going to meet him your brother as usual starting pestering me about joining the organisation. I told him someone was waiting for me; he saw my bf yet he didn't want to leave.
B-OMG! I'm sowie about that but pls don't do the tongue-lashing thing.
Stacey-I was still trying to get to my bf who had been standing under the sun waiting for me but your bro didn't deem it fit to leave me alone. He was still being pushy and insinuated that I should have said all I wanted to say to my bf inside the church. He said something like "what else do you have to say?" Still not leaving me alone. I didn't want to push him aside or embarrass him but I wanted to see my bf. I was kinda stuck and he was making it worse. He didn't even have enough respect in him to say hi to my bf who was still patiently waiting. Even my mum had to ask me why I kept my bf waiting and was talking to someone else for so long. My bf got angry and left. Your bro does it every time and I don't like it. He should know when to take his leave and how to respect someone's space. Is it too much for him to tell my bf to excuse him instead of acting like my bf's invisible?
B-Hmmmmm
Stacey-Is it because my bf is quiet and doesn't react easily? u can't do that to some guys!

B-Guys like me u know...really sowie anyway
Stacey-Pls tell him to stay clear from me next Sunday becuase he would hate my reaction. As for the organisation thing, he should recruit someone else.
B-But all the same sowie, u should have let me know this before it got to this. Just take ma apologies ok?
Stacey-I won't call him for ur sake, thanks anyway.
B-Wow, uw!

I advised her not to let his attitude be the reason why she wasn't joining the organisation. I told her to do a rethink after she had calmed down, since joining the organisation would be good for her spiritual growth.

The story actually continues...Stacey saw him on Sunday as she left the church after mass. He approached her as she was looking for her dad's car at the park. As he walked up to her, Stacey shut him up before the words came out of his mouth. After walking around the entire park, she finally saw her dad's car and to her amazement, saw bros with her bf! Bros was reporting Stacey to her boyfriend for involving his younger brother.  After he was done, he went to Stacey and told her he was angry with her. Stacey said she assumed not to hear a thing and asked him when the next meeting would hold. (It is this Sunday yikes!) 

Stacey informed me that her bf told her that bros apologized for crossing his boundary but claimed he never knew he (Stacey's bf) was dating Stacey. "What a fat lie!" she said. Even her bf said bros was lying, since virtually the whole church knows about Stacey's relationship with her bf.

That's all from Stacey and bros because their matter sef don tire me; but still thinking, what does bros actually want? Stacey or Stacey's salvation? I still don't know. 
Anyway, humans...je ne comprends pas! smh...

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