November 16, 2012

English Palava!


A middle aged man maybe in his thirties wanted to pay for a particular service in an organisation. He had just been from the scorching sun and had to trek a ridiculous distance because a truck full of goods had fallen across the road causing a major traffic jam. 

In order to get to the organisation before they shut their doors to customers, he came down from the bus, where he was sandwiched between two fat women, to get a bike. Unfortunately for him there were none, so put his tired legs into action till he got lucky. Well, not so lucky because the bike fee was double the usual price. This already agitated man tried to bargain his way out but to no avail. Having no other alternative, he took the bike and paid the hiked fees. 

When he arrived at his destination, he asked the security guard which floor he was to go to, to pay for that service since the building was a five-storey building. The tired security guard who had been very busy all day and couldn't wait end his shift just said, "go up!".

The man went into the building through the glass doors and immediately met a young man, a professional staff of the company, coming out. He said, "good afternoon my brother, please where do I pay for...?" The famished young man who was rushing to the canteen replied sharply, "second floor" and disappeared.
This young man took the  1st  storey they were on as the first floor-American English. However, the customer counted the 1st storey as the ground floor British English-our adopted lingua and went to the 3rd storey of the building. The customer was right based on the British interpretation of what the young man told him, although payment area was actually on the first floor-2nd storey. Ouch!

 

When he got there he walked up to a young lady, Tashia who was chatting away with her colleague and told her what he wanted. Immediately she heard the word 'pay', she said loudly, "all payments downstairs-first floor." The man tried to explain, "but ma, I was directed to the second floor by one of your staff". She apologized and told him it was first floor. Grumbling in a low voice, he made his way to the first floor where he met a serious looking lady, Raquel behind her desk typing on her computer. He asked her if she was the person he was to  pay to, but she replied in a flat tone without looking at the customer, "the link is down". 




The man screamed "DOWN! Do you know the stress I have been through to get here? You people should learn to pass correct information to your customers. What kind of nonsense is this? You just make things difficult for..." Before she could apologise and try to explain further, he was already on his way downstairs.

On getting to the ground floor, he met a pretty young woman, arranging some files on her desk and asked her in a harsh tone, "who is collecting payment for...?" The lady replied, "all payments are made upstairs Sir". She had no idea what came over this man when he started screaming at her and raining curses on the company. "Do you work here? Do you know what you are saying? How can you tell me to go upstairs when I was just directed down here? What is wrong with you people? Is this how you toss your customers around? Is that what you are paid to do? Where is your manager? I want to speak with your manager since none of you can attend to me...on and on he went" His voice was so loud that those on the first floor could hear him.

In frustration, worked up Gabby who thought she had been through for the day asked him, "Please Sir, who told you to come to this floor to make payments?" He told her it was a lady upstairs who was doing God knows what on her computer system and didn’t have the courtesy to even look at him. Out of sympathy for the man, she went with him to see who misdirected him and to put things straight.
As they went upstairs, he kept on lamenting loudly on how he suffered to get the company (the traffic, the scorching sun, the trekking, the hiked fees) only for a man to tell him he was to go to the second floor when it was actually the first floor; and  on getting to the first floor he was told the link was down. Then he went down and was directed back upstairs.

Everyone on the first floor could hear that he was coming and braced up to see what would happen next. When he saw Raquel, he screamed pointing his index fingers at her, "look at her, she is the one that told me to go downstairs." 


Gabby asked Raquel why she told the customer to go downstairs to pay for a service she handles. She replied that she didn't say so but told him the link was down. The man quickly interjected in a loud and angry tone, "you see, she cannot deny it. She told me the link was down and I went downstairs". Gabby not could hold it back; she burst into laughter, so did everyone on the second floor. 
"The link is down" meant there was no network service, implying he could not pay for the service that day...after all the stress. 


Only if the first man he met on the ground floor had just used the right phrase/English language i.e. first floor/British English, he could have saved the customer a lot of stress. Also the customer misinterpreted ‘the link is down’ to mean the link is downstairs instead of no service network.
Poor man, a victim of English palava...

November 11, 2012

Useful Hair Tips for Nigerian Hair

Hi Nigerian ladies and men who treat their hair like we do or who have ladies to share this 411 with, I will be sharing some simple yet overlooked hair tips to keep your hair healthy till you are 90. They have been working for me and I have recommended them to some friends who acknowledged that it made a positive difference to their hair.

Like I always tell myself, what is the point having knowledge or information when you cannot share it?

So straight to the point...

Do not change your relaxer when one is working well for you. My aunt did that and still has the evidence to show for it-scanty hair. She was using a good product but changed to a newer one her friend introduced to her because it came with juicy stories of how marvelous and awesome it was. It worked for your friend doesn’t mean it will work for you. Another funny one was when I went to UNILAG (my Alma Mata) and met my ex-room mate who was in her final year. Her hair was all brown and I screamed in excitement for her because she was this SUish type. Then I asked her when she dyed her hair, but she gave me a sarcastic look and a shocking nonchalant reply, “I changed my relaxer”. What!

Don’t wait until your is ‘uncombable’ before you retouch it. 

If you wait till your comb cannot pass through your hair before you retouch it, you’ll see your hair fall off nicely from your head to your shoulders (or the towel on your shoulders) as it is being retouched which is not a nice picture. Once you feel there’s an undergrowth, take a trip to the salon and get a good retouch from professional fingers.

Retouch your hair in the right manner.
Don’t comb your hair while retouching, just apply the relaxer and smoothen with the part of the tail comb where the bristles emerge from. Also avoid the relaxer from getting to the tip of your hair-there is no undergrowth there. Some hair stylists comb the hair after applying the relaxer believing it will hasten the process. The relaxer will surely do its job; all the hairstylist needs to do is smoothen the hair . The instructions on how to use the relaxer should be followed to the letter. Leave the relaxer in hair for the specified amount of time depending on the hair texture. It doesn’t have to hurt before you wash it off.

If a relaxer keeps burning your hair, please change it. 

Why should you keep suffering and damaging your hair and scalp when you have other options? I was using a particular relaxer don’t wana mention the name so I don't get sued for demarketing (ha! ha! ha!) which always burnt my hair irrespective of the time spent on my hair. I changed to something better-Africa's Best kit and retouching is no longer a painful and dreadful experience.

When your hair is wet, don’t over comb it. 

When your hair is wet, it becomes more prone to breakage. Use a wide-toothed comb and be gentle. When there are tangles, untangle them gently.

Wash your hair the following day after retouching. 

This helps remove the excess chemicals in your hair which could cause long term damage. You can google it up!

Leave your natural hair after any hairdo or retouching. 

Just like a farmland is left to fallow to regain its lost nutrients and we sleep to regain our lost strength so does our hair need to be left natural to allow it heal and rest from the braiding, twisting, retouching, tonging and all. For instance, after wearing a weave-on for 3weeks, your natural hair should be left for a week. This  gives it time to heal and breathe. Just pack it and apply hair-friendly products. Emily Millionaire and Africa’s best products are good ones.


My natural ponytail
When styling your hair, don't overstretch it.
Ladies please caution your hair stylists when they pull your hair too hard when weaving or braiding it. It causes tension in the hair and make it prone to falling out after a while. It is one the reasons ladies lose their front hair. 

Lastly, drink lots of water and eat well.


Just playing with my hair
It tells a lot on your hair. An unhealthy person can not produce healthy hair.

If you already knew them, take this as a reminder or as a proof that they do work; but if you didn’t, now you know.






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November 03, 2012

The NYSC Orientation Camp in a Different Light


This blog post is dedicated to all 2012 Batch ‘C’ corps members who will commence their orientation course on the 6th of November and after.
 
In the course of preparing to go for the three-week orientation programme, which is the first phase of the National Youth Service Corps, would-be corps members are told all sorts of stories and exaggerations that make them dread going to the camp. However, my experience has proven otherwise.

In my opinion, the three-week orientation camp is a place where graduates from various reputable institutions all over Nigeria come together to achieve one goal; service to our motherland and great country, Nigeria. The camp is run by diligent camp officials who ensure that each moment in camp is scheduled for one activity or the other. These activities instill basic skills and values in corps members that make them better individuals when imbibed.

Parade: The parade ground also known as holy ground, “holy” implying that when on it corps members are expected to respect it by behaving appropriately.  When on the parade ground, we learn to be disciplined, by not engaging in unnecessary discussions or causing distractions; to be on the alert and be attentive, by performing the right body movement when the order is called for; to be patriotic, by respecting the recitation of the NYSC anthem, the National anthem and the hoisting of the National flag.

Drills and Man O’ War: They are simply exercise routines that help us to keep fit, not chores, as most corps members see it. As we all know, regular exercise is required for better body metabolism, for proper blood circulation, and to keep the heart in good condition.

Sports and Social activities: Sports are another form of exercise and are pastimes for some individuals. In the camp, we have football and volleyball; social activities such as cultural dance, drama, singing, cooking, pageantry, etc. Corps members are given the opportunities to showcase their talents on stage and are also allowed to anchor shows. These activities are channels of talent discovery and we all have talents which we need to discover and work on.

Lectures: We are all students because we learn every day, either through our personal experience or from the experience of others, from the media, from books or in the classroom. Lectures offered in camp which are free from reputable organisations such as NDLEA, and from respectable individuals. They also offer trainings in various courses like management, computer training, foreign languages, and many others at subsidised fees. Is it not a golden opportunity one must not miss?

In conclusion, the three-week orientation camp is an opportunity waiting to be harnessed and a platform for self discovery and development. 
Would-be corps members would also come to us someday to seek advice before travelling to their various camps and we should make it a point of duty to tell them about the orientation camp in a different light.                                                                         

I wrote this post when I was in the orientation camp in Iseyin, Oyo state as a 2010 Batch A corps member and it was published in our bimonthly magazine-Periscope.
My platoon commander and I (platoon 1 aka champion platoon)

Miss NYSC 2010 and I

cultural dance practice on Sunday

Endurance catwalk
chilling after a long endurance trek

 Thank you Kay for the pix!




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