When you don't have the energy to drive your passion

I know what I want for now (with respect to goals) and I have ideas on how to get it. I want it so bad that I can feel it and almost touch it and taste it. It plays in my head all the time and I always pray to God to make it a reality. I think it, I dream it, I self-talk it. Thinking about it stirs up a mixture of emotions that makes me enthusiastic and ready for action. It can be likened to fire from a burning furnace within me, slowly heating me up till I am ready to dissipate the energy to surrounding objects. 

However, it goes like this: At the close of work, my head gets filled with all sorts of personal stuff I could do aside work to make my desire a reality (as my passion lies outside my job). I take out my journal and write plans and ideas as they flow into my head. My internal furnace starts burning and I get fired up. Yes! I am ready to work! I start calculating as I head home; when I get home, I will have my bath, eat, rest a little and get busy. Yes! I can do it! I always say this to myself with enthusiasm. So I get home, bath, eat, rest a little and begin to work, ready to unleash my ideas. For the first 10minutes I am active, 11th minute-I stretch, 12th minute-I yawn, 13th minute-I scratch my head, 14th minute-I widen my eyes because they are trying to close, 16th minute-I become aware that I just dozed off. Then I say to myself, "what is this again now, not now! I want to work!" (I get upset) No matter how frustrated and upset I feel, it is either I continue to struggle with my poor eyes as they try to obey the call of nature, or I assist them and myself by just going to my bed which has always been the best option because I have learnt from past experiences that I can't beat my eyes when it comes to the battle with sleep. It has been like this for some weeks now. Yet I still plan and try to get the best out of my time ignoring previous experiences. I have got the passion but I need energy to drive it. 

Since I cannot quit now (my job is truly a blessing), I have to find a balance. This means proper planning and discipline as I have to cut out distractions. Also time is an expensive commodity I cannot afford to waste as my job spares little for me. I just have to make do with the little I have. Since I have tried all methods known to me and they have not been as effective I would have loved them to be, it has made me realise that I am just a human with limitations and I have someone greater than I am that can help me when I cannot help myself. Who else can that be if not our awesome God? He gave my job and my passion and He knows how to juggle them to produce the best results. So from now on, I will sincerely do my best and leave the rest to Him. I have started doing it and it is marvellous! 

It is crazy when let yourself get caught up in the chaos nature of today's world. Trying to get this, trying to get that, trying to be this, trying to be that, the competition, the rat race...it is crazy! With God's wisdom, you will know when to step on the brake and let Jesus take the driver's seat. 

Food for thought: Even when you have gotten all you think you want in the world, you realise that you still want more. You realise there's still a void that needs to be filled. No matter what else you acquire, you would still want something else that would satisfy that need inside of you. It is only God that can quench that hunger for more. He is the only one that can give you that satisfaction you desire because our human wants are limitless. Even King Solomon testified to it when he said all is vanity. Instead of waiting till I have expended all my energy trying to satisfy my unending needs (and God forbid dying in the process), let me wise up now, invite God and experience Him through the process. Isn't that smart? Please you guys shouldn't get me wrong. It's not like I have not been praying or going to church and all that but I mean being aware of God's presence every moment. When I am stuck in traffic, when I am confused or disappointed, when my boss scolds me, when a colleague annoys me, when I face overbearing customers, when I am choked with a long list of to-dos, every time, everywhere...I want God to be an integral part of my life and I want to get him involved in everything that concerns me.

Now how do I do that? My own way of being God-conscious is by listening to gospel songs and messages frequently, they take me to the spirit realm and remind me of God, Jesus and Godly things. Even after listening to them, they keep playing in my head, thus reminding me of God. This in turn reminds me of the holy and perfect nature of God makes me try to live that way. To attain the most effective results, I deleted all the worldly songs on my phone and downloaded more gospel songs especially by Hillsong-my favourite. I actually discussed the whole lack of energy thingy (via BBM and Twitter) with a fellow personal blogger and friend Gbenga Sile THE GEEBEE CHRONICLES. When I told him I deleted my worldly songs, he said and I quote, 'Lol @ deleting 'worldly songs'. No be by dat one jor.' We actually chatted at length and he was very encouraging. Thanks Geebee! Let me blow his trumpet for him, he won the 2012 Nigerian Blog Awards judges' choice of best personal blog and he is currently working on his first book. You can check him out!

Back to the topic, since I know I cannot do it own my own and my strength is not enough for me, I have resolved to let God who is the source of my strength be the energy that drives my passion. He is the most reliable. With God's wisdom, I'll get the best ideas and the best ways to put them to work. Has anyone ever trusted God and failed? Is there anything too hard or impossible for Him? Obviously no! What about you? 


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