In your choices, BE YOURSELF!

I used to think this high-school-envy-thingy that some girls have against their counterparts fades with maturity. You know when girls just get green with envy because you outshine them in your dressing, hair-do, the way you speak, your attitude or just because you get more attention they do. I never knew some ladies even exhibit it even more as they age. 

How can a lady make it her point of duty to monitor her fellow lady like she was paparazzi for obviously jealous reasons? So bad that she can recite the clothes, shoes and make up her counterpart has worn in the past. Such a lady is easily threatened by anyone who outshines or intimidates her. That person becomes her rival/target and she would stop at nothing to bring her rival/target down. That person becomes her favourite topic, her favourite hobby, her business, and her favourite reality TV show.

Stacey voiced her anger,

“She told me my clothes are bitchy and my skirts are short and tight, but when I told her I also wear them to church she said they were not. She told me to stop wearing a particular pair of shoes but couldn’t give me reasons why. But after I pressed on, she said she felt they didn’t go with a particular outfit (Was that enough reason?).  When I asked her what her point was (because she wasn’t making sense to me), she cited an example of herself not dressing up, not brushing her hair and not wearing earrings to work. She started explaining to me that she also had beautiful clothes even if I didn’t ask her. She went further to explain that she doesn’t care how she looks at work and told me stories of how those who knew her got shocked when they saw her at work because she didn't look as good as she looked during the weekends. Am I supposed to emulate that? How is that supposed to be my business? I am me and can never be her, so why the comparison? Your employer paid you to look good, that is why you have a wardrobe allowance. She kept on saying she was advising me because she is my friend. To me, she was speaking gibberish because she kept going back and forth like she was confused. I asked her to state her point and she told me to dress down. Then I replied, “dress down from what?” She just kept staring at me. I asked her if I was too flashy, she said no. If I was too attractive, she said no. So what was her point? By the way, who gave her the right to call me her friend when she is not even qualified to be called my frenemy? I am not implying that she is my enemy because I have not considered it important to classify her plus I don't have the time. She is just a routine. If she expects me to change who I am because of the disorganised pack of words that poured out of her food and voice organ, then she must be the greatest joker in town.”

To all Staceys out there:

In anything that concerns you and your life, you should have the last but one say (next to God who has the final say). Never be a slave to the opinions of others. The worst task you can embark on is trying to please others because you will definitely fail. You can never please everyone as humans can never be satisfied.  Don't do because others are doing; you have a mind of your own. Don't follow follow or copy copy like the lay man would say. Exercise your freewill and creativity and be proud of who you are. Even identical twins are not a 100percent identical.

Also, know your frenemies. They pretend to be your friends but are happy to see you fall. They laugh with you in front of you but at you behind your back. Do not be fooled by their fakes smiles and gestures. Never take their words to heart. Remember, 'sticks and stones...' They find it difficult to pay you a genuine compliment but are too quick to criticise you. They are just part of your usual pattern of activities because circumstances bring you guys together. If you had your way, your paths would not cross. They could be your classmates, course mates, colleagues, roommates, even relatives... they come in different ways.

Lastly, if you go to a restaurant with your friends and you feel like taking swallow don’t take chips because your friends are going for it. It is your money and your tummy! You want to buy a car and you have budgeted for it, but your friends or colleagues are making fun of your choice. Do not bow down to their pressure, cut your cloth according to your cloth. They won’t give you the money, would they? You want to enroll your child in a decent private school on the mainland and you and your spouse have drawn plans. Your colleagues have their kids enrolled in much more expensive schools on the Island and are trying to persuade you to do the same. Don’t feel bad about the choice you have made. The expensive fees, the beauty or area of the school does not guarantee quality education. Don’t live above your means because you are trying to please.

No matter what choice you make, people will always talk and it is normal. Tuface has rightly said it, "if nobody talks about you, then you are nobody." So in whatever choice you make from now on (minor or major), be yourself, because in the end it falls back on you! Your uniqueness, your self esteem, your happiness and your satisfaction are at stake each time you compromise yourself. Use your head and your heart. You are unique and different; so are your choices.  

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